(LOUISVILLE, KY)--On Saturday, May 6, horses ran around a track. The track was at Churchill Downs. Some horses ran faster than others. A horse named Barbaro ran fastest of all. We decided to ask him questions.



You won the Kentucky Derby.

That's correct.

Way to go. You ran fast.

That's not a question. Do you have any questions for me?

Who combs your hair?

I don't know. Some guy. He uses a brush. Are you going to ask me about the race?

You're a big horsey!

Look, I have to go. This is the problem with America today, you know? I just ran my ass off and won the Super Bowl of horseback racing and I have to deal with losers like you who show up without a single relevant question and try to get over on the fact that you're associated with a late-night television franchise devoted to weird cartoons.

To be honest, we're sort of dehydrated. Last night...

Someday you're going to have to wake up and get a real job. Someday you're going to have to offer the world something more than, "Oh, wow, man--hey." Do you understand what I'm saying? Someday, when you actually achieve something with your life, maybe then we can have a conversation. But right now I'd rather talk to just about anyone on Earth, including MTV2, who is probably going to be eating your lunch in two years.

You kinda caught us off guard with this. Wow.

Bite me.